Tuesday, November 05, 2013


Yet another reason to hate the French. 

Their bloody supermarket, which dominates this part of the world, sells something which purports to be cottage cheese, but in reality it appears to be a particularly pernicious form of yogurt.  I have used this concoction in my cooking this evening – which, incidentally used some out of date meatballs which Toni steadfastly refused to eat. 

I am not sure now whether the date was a ‘use by’ (devised by Al Capone: I really must look that up, I have been stating it as a fact and it would nice to know that there is some basis for my assertion) or ‘sell by’ (or was it this one that dear old Al invented, sounds more convincing this way round) – anyway, whatever, I refuse to be intimidated by the fear of food poisoning and so I cooked them all with a sauce of mine own inventing, low calorie of course.  Though, thinking about it, that didn’t go for the meatballs which were and are probably packed with the most evil of fats.  Ah well, I must have some pleasure in what I eat – if only as compensation for returning to the tasteless horrors of cottage cheese in its truly awful foreign forms!

I downloaded a free book from the Internet for my Kindle about fallacies concerned with slimming.  The book has a naff cover and a faux matey style of delivery, but the content is shockingly sensible and realistic!  The writer of this disturbingly uncharacteristic book is one Mirsad Hasic (a sometime footballer) and the title ‘Why Can’t I lose Weight Like Others’.  For nothing it is a real bargain!  It takes the form of 40 short chapters about how to avoid the ‘biggest pitfalls’ in dieting.  Well worth reading and even getting if you have a Kindle.  I think that my response was so positive because much of what he suggests I am already doing or know is the right thing to do.  Not quite the same things!

I posted my writing about the ‘split’ personality of Soldier/Innocent that I generated by looking at photographs of strangers on the Internet and I have discovered that I now have picked up a personal nemesis on the course – a lady who praises my writing and then ever so slightly kicks me in the balls.  This time round it was a quibble about the differences between innocent and naïf (though she didn’t spell it like that, of course) and then a descent to ‘clueless’ about my carefully crafted soldier.  I was particularly proud of the battle honours that I was able to list, questionable the lot of them, including the battle in which Earl (sic) Douglas Haig (sick) tried to kill my grandfather and failed – twice.  Irony can go no further.  The portrait is one of my finer works of cynicism!

Now is the time of year when I used publically to moan about the proliferation of Christmas decorations in the shops before December, and privately looked at all of them and wanted the lot!  Every year I buy one or two new decorations, even if I don’t get to put them on the tree that I also sometimes don’t get to put up.  This buying was originally to compensate for Rhys and Gwen choosing a decoration each from my big tree.  Every year I tried to get them to take something major so that I could buy something to replace it, but they were (are) always well bred enough to go for something modest!  This year I have a Plan A and Plan B.

Plan A is to put the full tree up in all its splendour with new lights.  Though where exactly we put it is something to discuss.  Plan B is to use the mini light tree (bought from the What! Shop on Newport Road) that has been on the specially constructed shelf since last year and deck it out with white decorations - three new ones bought this evening.  There is of course a possibility of Plan C – do both!

There is also the question of the Belen (the Nativity Scene) replete with a virtual town of characters, which takes ages to unwrap and set up, though I do remember that I have a set of battery operated blue lights that could add a note of necessary extra naffness to the whole affair!

Although I have seen superb examples of tasteful Christmas decorations and wonderfully decorated trees, that is not really my style.  I like excess and the essential vulgarity that is surely nearer to the historical festivities at this time in December than the prettified legend of the overblown birth of some obscure Palestinian that was grafted on to an much, much older celebration!

Unfortunately the over-kill of decoration availability is not yet quite as well developed as in the UK and some of the prices for really quite ordinary decorations are eye-wateringly easy to reject.  I will, however, be assiduous in my search for reasonably priced essentially white decorations to complete successfully my vision of Plan B.  At least.

The story of my car crash gets more involved.  This was a driver stationary behind a vehicle trying to park and then, on a whim and with no indication, turning into me as I passed.  She was very apologetic and admitted liability in a way in which we are all urged not to do under any circumstances.  Her husband is German and the car is not registered in Spain and you could see her worried mind working overtime as there was very little damage to my car, but clearly noticeable damage to hers.

Unsurprisingly she wants the damage to be repaired privately and that is no problem, as long as it is done properly and I have a car for any time that mine is being done.  She is going to phone me tomorrow.  We will see what progress she has made.  This could run and run!  She sounded very harassed on the phone this evening pleading many things on her mind and kids as reasons for her not phoning.  A sexual expletive comes to mind.  Learn to drive if you don’t want problems!  Harsh but true.

Tomorrow the doctor for Toni for the results of his scheduled blood test and me on Thursday to the dentist for the fitting of my grind guard.  Talk about getting your money’s worth.  Though some autonomous regions are finding it increasingly difficult to pay their pharmacists, so god knows what is going to happen in the near future, let alone the distant!

Meanwhile music plays in my ears through remote headphones while Juventus and Real Madrid appear to be playing to a draw in the cup league.  Though in the last few minutes it is traditional for Real Madrid to score, though a penalty if necessary!  Three minutes left plus injury time and Juventus are using their final sub, I think.  Though what do I know!  What I do know is that my new CDs should be arriving tomorrow, although this is via the infamous non-delivery service that Amazon favours in this part of the world.  I live in hope.

And tomorrow I have to decide with all the meatballs that I couldn’t eat this evening.  And with what?  Pasta, rice and potatoes all banned!  I will have to try and find more of the lumpy cottage cheese – where all prospects pleases, and only man is vile.  Or something.

At least I am eating more fruit!

Now for a cup of relaxing tea composed of god knows what scrapings and weeds.  God knows what that unholy brew will do with the solid weight of meat balls firmly encamped in my stomach.  This is one case where it is very true to say, time will tell!

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