Lost opportunity!

“If I were you, I’d have the red rather than the White.” Or it may have been the other way round. Whatever! That was the sum total of my conversation with one of the great writers of Wales. Oh yes, he said, “Thank you.”

This less than scintillating exchange came back to me when I was reading the two novellas “The Alone to the Alone” and “The Dark Philosophers” by Gwyn Thomas. Reading them makes me wish that I had had a rather more searching conversation with the author.

These novellas published in 1946 and 1947 deal with the fictitious Welsh location of The Terraces based on the memories of the Rhondda of Gwyn Thomas’s childhood and youth. Cantered on a group of middle aged unemployed friends who meditate (and take action) on the politics and meaning of life the two stories present a sardonic, searching, personal and above all funny view of a period in the life of the Valleys that was anything but amusing.

The action in the stories is slight enough but constantly fascinating because of the easy to pastiche but hard to imitate style of Gwyn Thomas. Take a sentence which is, if not typical, then at least representative from “The Alone to the Alone”: “She was a fair specimen of that woeful daftness that spoils all dignity and negates all purpose in a community whose intimate traditions and self-conceits had taken a thorough shellacking, a gripless fatuity of mental action that undermines the whole system of interlocking relevancies and reduces the equipment of social existence to a dangerous and chilling fragility.”

We are given an almost irresistible mixture of exasperated insight linked to the mundane and archaic in appealing constructions like “woeful daftness” and “gripless fatuity” and the use of a word like “shellacking” wonderful stuff!

This Thomas lacks some of the more obvious self-conscious wordsmithing of Dylan while preserving the darkness of R.S. and the poetic quality of Edward!

I must admit that I had forgotten how much I enjoyed reading him. I thoroughly appreciated his later stuff, even though some of it was perhaps facile and sometimes complacently anti-parochial in that culturally depreciating way that some Welsh writers in English can display.

These two stories appealed in a sort of atavistic way to a memory that I (brought up in a Cardiff suburb) simply do not have – except as a shared folk memory of deprivation and belief in education that was still seeping down the valleys to flavour the growing commercial and administrative wealth of Cardiff even when I was a boy.

But nationality is irrelevant for the reader: these are stories which transcend their background and yet are deeply rooted in it. In the same way that Chekov (to whom Gwyn Thomas has been prepared) is not limited by the Russia in which he sets his tales, so Thomas uses what he knows to explain what any reader can understand.

I think that “The Alone to the Alone” is the more satisfying of the two tales, perhaps because it is the less rounded of the narratives, and anyway how can a story fail with such a title!

I do urge people to read Gwyn Thomas. If you haven’t read him before you are in for a reading delight if you have read him before, then revisit.

The woeful (that word comes courtesy of Gwyn Thomas) weather continues with rain all last night and this morning: snow! Luckily it doesn’t seem to be settling where we are but that must mean that the situation is much worse elsewhere. If it snows in Barcelona then the disruption in the higher reaches of the area must be severe indeed!

In spite of my reiterated plea to close the school we seem to be soldiering on with one of my free periods being taken to cover the class of a colleague who has now been away for over a week and a half. We have some colleagues who are looking at the snow and realizing that they live in the hills and that they stand a chance of not getting home easily. Trust me to live absolutely at sea level just when the weather seems to be about to close schools!

I hate snow with a visceral loathing while still appreciating its picturesque value in decorating far mountain tops. It is when the level of precipitation impinges on my living space that I object! And my school doesn’t close.

That’s the galling bit!

When I was a child . . .

Proust may have re-invented the madeleine as a pastry to the past and a cheap way to travel through time but for me I discovered that it was something else which worked and which appealed to quite another sense.

The multitude of pills that I am taking at the moment seem to be failing, signally, to get rid of my cough. During the day it is not too bad, but the evenings seem to produce a more insistent orchestration of guttural explosions. Something, in the immortal words of that philandering upper class parasite, Had To Be Done.

Toni is a great believer in medicinal syrup, though as one who has drunk the stuff in great quantities straight from the bottle I am not so convinced. The look, smell and viscosity always put me in mind of quack patent medicines - and they don’t work!

This weekend is supposed to be the period when the illness at last gives way and departs from hence. The cough seems to have no intention of leaving so I was not looking forward to another unsettled night. It was then that Toni suggested Vick’s Vapour Rub.

And if that doesn’t take you back then nothing written about by a recluse in a cork lined room will!

Apart from the fact that the Vick bottles that I remember were made of glass rather than plastic everything about the experience took me back instantly to my childhood.

Vick and TCP have one thing in common: you know they are working because they hurt!

Vick, applied liberally on the chest has just a pleasant tingling feeling, but as I recall it was also pushed up my nose and I was given a stinging ‘moustache’ of Vick as well. It’s uncomfortable: it must be working!

I’m not sure that it did but it was worth it for the revisiting of times past and the comforting sharp aroma of illness being confronted.

The sunshine has disappeared today and been replaced by the bright dullness which is a bit of a feature of this winter. Now “bright dullness” is obviously better than dull dullness, but I am looking for streaming sunlight as I feel that my vitamin D levels are dangerously low!

Today is the first day of the Using of the Bike as part of the new approach to exercise. Unfortunately the tyres are a bit flat and we will see how long it takes me to find the pump and bring the air up to the required pressure!

Before any of this happens I have to get some sort of screen to protect the bike from the lustful eyes of the roving thieves who prowl around our neighbourhood seeking what they might acquire.

Back to Gavá for stuff!

Always worth a visit!

The barcarolle of barking which acted as a prelude to the breaking day went beyond a joke. It would appear that our next door neighbours (whose horns seem to be growing more pointed by the day) think that it is acceptable when they leave the house to place their dogs outside in the pen and allow them to bewail their lone state by barking every second on the second! My patience is dissipating with every reiterated decibel!

However the sun is shining, even as I type I can feel its friendly warmth on my neck and it gives me faith that summer is on its long awaited way. At certain points during this long, long winter I have doubted that such a season was ever going to arrive; like a Doubting Thomas I had to feel the vitamin D actually coursing through my veins before I would believe that sun was possible.

In my darker moments I had to keep telling myself that my dissatisfaction was with temperatures which were seven or eight degrees above what I would be experiencing were I still in Wales. It just goes to show that you become accustomed to things with greedy speed and then expect more. Though I have to say that my dissatisfaction is as nothing when compared to the natives in this area who make the winter sound as though they expect Scott and Amundsen to be setting up base camp in Plaça Catalunya!

Toni has suggested that we go to Sitges for lunch in our little restaurant that represents best value for money in a very expensive resort. The sun beckons and I shall take my camera!

After a good value if unspectacular meal in our usual restaurant we walked along the sea front in Sitges and were duly impressed with the new development at Platja Sant Sebastia, and stretching over to Platja dels Balmins and Platja d'Aiguadolc. This has made all the area much more visitor friendly without the threat of instant death from the traffic squashed into too small a space with wandering tourists! The new paved pedestrian areas look spacious and pristine and, most importantly, welcoming. Even the church with its intimidating graveyard has been given a coat of paint and looks rather imposing. There has been some landscaping behind the beaches and the whole effect is positive and rather impressive.

Toni was insistent that I take photographs of rocks so that he can get some ideas for one of the paintings that he is currently engaged in completing. I did managed to take other photographs including one which I rather liked showing part of a church with a skeletal tree looking like some sort of many legged creature emerging from a window. I obviously meant it as a cutting comment on present day Roman Catholicism whose exact meaning I will work out at a later date.

One or two of the other photos of Sitges have come out well and I am glad I took the camera!

The bike rack is now in place. It wasn’t even mildly simple to do and the end result is something less than professional but it does the job and it will hopefully mean that I use the bike. I have, of course, lost the key to the bike lock which has remained unused for the last few months and so have had to buy another. I expect to find the key for the other one almost immediately if sod’s law is still in operation.

And I feel that it certainly is because my cough still hasn’t gone.

To sleep perchance?

I have had more sleep over the past few days than is healthy or normal!

I am now thoroughly fed up with the persistence of my cough and the consequent propensity to flop down on a horizontal surface and slip into the arms of Morpheus. While this unconsciousness has its attractions I prefer to be awake and at least reading!

I have decided that the germs have one more weekend of superiority and then, if the present régime of large tablets has not had some dramatic effect then I will return to the medical centre and demand more attractive drugs.

The only real task which I have ahead of me at the weekend is constructing the bike rack and drilling it into the patio. This is not as daunting as it sounds as it only has to be secured by four screws and I have a sinking feeling that one hefty pull will dislodge them with comparative ease. Still, I will check that my household insurance covers the machine and will then hope for the best!

It is part of the New Life that I envisage for myself that the bike is readily available (and as readily used) so that the idea of vigorous swimming can ease itself into my mind to complete my exercise quota. Although we have had one good day of sun in the last week or so (!) I know that it has not warmed up the outside pool in the slightest and I have no intention whatsoever of flinging myself into the icy deeps: I want exercise not execution!

Our confusion over the absence of our colleague in school continues to cause disruption with last second alterations to class composition and content making the working day just that little bit more exciting. I think that I will have to cough more excitingly to ensure my exclusion from any extra classes which may be offered for my consideration during free periods!

The unholy cocktail of drugs that I am taking must be playing havoc with my gastric system: the fact that I am now taking thirteen pills a day is not something that I want to continue with for very much longer! Hopefully this weekend will see the end of the contumacious cough!

So tomorrow the only thing I have to do is to ensure that the bike rack exists on the patio and is securely screwed in. Not much in itself, but something which I have been writing about and not doing since I bought the damn thing!

Small targets give a disproportionate sense of achievement if you actually manage to get them done. Just what you need for a weekend!

Cough consideration!

With depleted forces in the English department in school things are a little strained as we try and cope without the support of external help. The head of department is frantically trying to find teachers who will be able to give some form of extended service in the school.

At the moment the absence of one teacher is being covered by colleagues in school while I cough delicately in the background and am thereby excused from extra duty.

Amazingly (for a school) I was actually thanked for “struggling into school”! This has to be a first; it could start a whole new trend in appreciation! But welcome though it is it doesn’t actually put any extra money in the bank!

The drive to and from school is made more vivid by the continuing celebration of the life and work of Chopin. His anniversary is being marked by a concentration on his surging melodies so the drab reality of the usual traffic jams is being accentuated by swellingly Romantic music.

The most obvious element in this festival of a composer best known for his piano music is the astonishing differences in the sound of the pianos that have been used and the wide range of quality reproduction to bring his music to listeners. As the music channel to which I listen is in Catalan and is the equivalent of Classic FM I tend to miss some of the finer points in the commentary of the programme presenters. As long as the announcers are not too long winded I can usually understand the gist of what they are saying; after all gushing sketchiness is easy to interpret!

The names of performers are usually familiar to me but with Chopin it would also be interesting to hear what instrument they are using. Some of the recordings we have listened to have hardly been of the ‘historical’ variety, but the pianos on which they have been played have verged on the ‘honky-tonk’! I am not sure that Chopin would have played on the forte piano, but some of the music certainly sounds as if it has been played on something which has lacked the subtlety of a modern instrument.

The most important thing that I have to do is resist the wealth of excellent value CDs which have been issued to mark Chopin’s anniversary. I am not so sure how long I can hold out!

Dogs.

I have always thought of myself as a dog person. Cats are alien life forms and constantly show their contempt for humans with every attitude they adopt. They treat their owners with barely concealed contempt and strut about with an arrogance which is positively human in its intensity!

No, dogs with their engaging dependency are by far the better option.

Or at least so I thought until living in this country.

Dog ownership seems to be a sine qua non for living in our part of Castelldefels with the emphasis on the rat-dog variety of ugly, yapping, etiolated apologies for what makes up a real dog which, on the other hand, fit so easily into the life of a flat dweller.

In spite of lip service paid to the importance of cleaning up after what Le Corbusier would I’m sure have called “A machine for defecating” you only have to walk through out shit strewn streets to see that most owners regard our pavements as one vast dog’s toilet.

And the barking.

In spite of the fact that the area in which we live is densely populated with houses and flats each dog owner seems to think that they live in a landed estate well separated from their neighbours where a howling, yapping, barking, snarling, snuffling dog will be inaudible to everyone. Dogs’ behaviour is regarded as a force of nature which, like thunder and lightning, are regarded as acts of god.

Common consideration should inform the actions of people who live in a community – but it doesn’t. I don’t know why I am surprised; you can tell the quality of a community by the way that it parks its cars. And the way our fellow citizens park has to be seen to be believed!

This moan has been brought on by the actions (or rather inactions) of our new next door neighbours who place their dogs outdoors in a caged enclosure and leave them to bark their way to hoarseness at night and when they are out thereby disturbing numerous households. They seem unable or unwilling to hear the quantity of sheer noise that their so-called pets produce. Robert (bless him!) has suggested that we solve the problem by killing the dog! Why is it that that seems the easier option than simply going next door and asking them to shut the thing up!

Perhaps this is god’s way of preparing us for the advent of our next door neighbours on the other side who truly are the Neighbours from Hell and their inconsideration makes Margaret Thatcher look like a namby-pamby angel of mercy!

When April arrives we have to get into training and flex our telephone number punching fingers so that we can call the police when the rollicking outdoors festivities of our thoughtless neighbours (who will probably arrive in May for their five month stay in their holiday home) get obnoxious.

It’s part of our established calendar!

Coughs and capability

As I wake up semi-comatose and go through the invigoration of my ablutions in a Zombie-like trance, automatically turning on the internet wireless to have my fix of Radio 4 before I set out for the horrors of the ring road, I do not have to use my voice.

It is only when I arrive at school that I have to speak. This morning what emerged when I attempted to vibrate my vocal chords was a strangulated croak. This was neither sexy nor intelligible and it wakened a dim glimmer of hope that if I was without voice then I would have to go home.

It was only then that I discovered the full ameliorative qualities of a hot cup of tea.

One cup later the hacking cough was still there but a voice had emerged. Caffeine and tannin have a lot to answer for. Thank you very much PG Tips and your pyramidal bags!

At least this is my early finish and I intend to take the full period: I want to be capable of listening to Irene when we meet this evening for one of our regular chats and discussions about life and the founding of much needed schools!

The weather continues unsettled with high winds added to the generally dull skies which mock my craving for the sight of my favourite star. Rain is scheduled for later in the day and the only bright spot is that the class I should be teaching now have been taken to the Zoo Museum. All known jokes about where to leave the kids so that they could be devoured or accepted into another animal group have been made and unfortunately they will remain in the realm of fantasy!

As the months roll by the question of where we are going to continue to live becomes more pressing. At the end of May we will have been in the house for a year and that means that we will be able to leave. The rent on the present place is high (though lower than the flat by the sea) but we can always move further inland to find a cheaper place. These issues are going to be more pressing the further we get towards the summer. Nothing remains the same and it is just a question of seeing how things turn out.

I am less and less inclined to stay in school for any time longer than is absolutely necessary. Although the temptation to find out what it is like to work when you actually don’t need to is strong, the price in terms of stress and inconvenience is not even remotely compensated for by the derisory salary that we are given – so, things to think about.

As usual!

Weak flesh!

This was typed on Monday 1st of March - Saint David's Day

The jingoistic tie has created a more than satisfactory stir in the privileged young amongst whom I move. It is something which it is hard to be indifferent to and wearing it has allowed me to say “Bore da!” to my pupils. If I do nothing else I do sensitise them to the fact that the west of Britain contains another country!

A magazine was thrown on the table which had a leading article on “The Taste and Flavour of Catalonia”; it is good to see that the press follows the example set by the Sitges Wine Tasting Group yesterday with its grand array of wine and cheese from the region! Where we lead the rest inevitably follow!

I have now discovered the end of term is an interminable 26 days away. I have not had the courage to check how long the holidays are because I am sure that it would reduce me to tears. At least in the UK you can be assured of a full fortnight; here, because of the alluringly long summer break they can curtail breaks during the year with the explanation that we will get it all back later. Working in a system which does not have a half term, you realize just how important such breaks are and their lack makes the term stretch out like some sort of drawing in perspective where the lines seem to stretch for infinity and indeed beyond.

My mood is not helped by one of my colleagues singing “I will survive” in a broken voice tinged with despair as he totters from the staff room to his next class. We also have a colleague in the department away and the first choice in this place is for the department to cover its own – and I have a vulnerable period in our ridiculously long day.

I fear that the fact that I own a fabulous tie is not going to ameliorate the pain of losing a non contact period. It never does!

The loss of my voice to a deep sexy croak over the weekend has now developed into a hacking cough and a cut off point for reprimands which is well below the level needed to get young Catalans and assorted Iberians to do as you want.

The cough has now developed so that I am not feeling at my best. I resent the fact that my absence tomorrow would cause serious problems as the school makes no attempt to find supply teachers. All the burden is placed squarely on colleagues; and all the guilt is placed squarely on those who might be ill! I think that it is pernicious system for which the management of the institution must take responsibility. I do recognize that finding English speaking teachers who are prepared to do supply work is difficult, but that should not stop the place trying to find a group prepared to help. But apart from grumbling and feelings of resentment nothing concrete is done and there is no real process by which opinions can be officially transmitted to wherever the real executive power is situated!

Meanwhile on a more mundane level the exhibition of photographs in the mathematics competition have now been put up and the English department’s efforts look fairly good.

Part of the competition is decided on the caption chosen for each photograph.

Chris said that if there was a prize for the most pretentious caption that I would win hands down!

I was strangely gratified by such a commendation!

Tuesday 2nd March 2010

As usual bed rest and a shut-down of the system has produced its usual results, so that I feel relatively good today and resentfully have had to complete my teaching load without crying off and going home. My body has a lot to answer for in its efforts to keep me sickeningly close to the smaller members of the community seeking education!

More photographs have appeared in the Great Mathematics Photography Competition but I still think that Chris and I have a more than reasonable chance of keeping off foreign competition. Disturbingly we are still not clear about how the eventual winners emerge so we are asking cagy questions in an effort to find some transparency about the whole affair.

Another way of looking at this process was voiced by Chris, who said that we should recognize how appallingly empty our lives are if this is the most important event on the horizon! Rather defiantly I opined that I was looking at it from an anthropological point of view and seeking to discover new aspects of the way our institution operates by the way that this competition is judged. It’s what I do!

I was furious with two giggling girls in class yesterday and as part of the pantomime of my fury about such lèse majesté I slammed the door at their departure with such intensity that it echoed round Building 1. Unfortunately it also acted as a disincentive for a pair of prospective parents to deposit their child in a place where such barbarism could take place! Ah me!

On the plus side I have just been given a mixed selection of pepper corms.

I think that I could do without all spices and even salt as long as I was left a twist of freshly ground black pepper to use on my food. Considering the fantastic price that pepper used to fetch, weight for weight more than gold, I think that we should rejoice that it is now so cheap and use it with reckless abandon.

I am told that my ‘over’ use of this condiment is bad for my health and ruins the taste of the food – to which I reply that faint are they of heart that eschew the ‘black rain’ to make their lives less savoury. So there.

Finding loose pepper corms is somewhat difficult in this part of the world as all the shops seem to demand that you buy a one-use pepper grinder to get hold of them. Suzanne, however, has gone to her herbal shop and returned to school with the multi-coloured delights in a little plastic bag. I have been breathing in their heady aroma like some sick junkie as I wait for my next lesson and perhaps I should be a tad concerned that no one has taken the slighted notice of the black powder drugged bliss on my weary face!

Smelled through the plastic the aroma is reminiscent of very old leather bound books. But I would say something like that, wouldn’t I?

My reading has fallen off of late and the old horsemen of the Apocalypse are still trotting half ignored at my heels. I think that as it wasn’t the book that I expected it to be I have lost a certain amount of enthusiasm for it and I can’t really see a way in which it is going to claim my full attention. I live however, as always, in hope.

Toni is painting like a demon and has turned to representational art after two abstract canvases. His magnum opus continues to gather paint and the strangely stretched tree has now assumed more conventional proportions. The sky is also receiving treatment and layers of paint continue to be laid down like the sediment at the bottom of a lake being fed by a glacier. Well, there is a snow covered mountain in the paintings so I feel fully justified in the image!

My own work on the classification of the books has progressed not a jot and I feel almost guilty about it. I have looked for the Boris Vian book and, although I have found a play by him, the Penguin Modern Classic version of ‘Froth on the Day Dream’ continues to elude my eyes. Still, I have given myself until the middle of the summer to get things into some sort of order so there is still time for that odd little book to turn up.

And this evening to town again to renew my angst at the complete arrogance of The Worst Bank in the World for doing precisely nothing to refund the money that they have taken wrongly!

It is good to have a cause in life!

Survival

I am not sure how you judge a wine tasting, but the inability to talk the next day must be some indication of quality!

During an excellent evening in which my voice got hoarser and quieter we consumed numerous bottles of wine of varying quality. The last wine we tasted was twice the price of anything else we drank and it was head and shoulders above the rest. It says much for the quality of the wine that even after a meal, various Catalan cheeses, ferocious pimentos de padron and numerous sips of other wines it was clearly the tipple of choice for us all.
We had ten wines to taste: two whites and eights whites. We chose wines from many of the Catalan D.O. regions
BLANCOS
1 ALELLA Marfil 2008 €6.90 This wine had an assertive nose but not lasting; slightly earthy with a harsh taste at the back of the mouth; acerbic and dry.
2 CATALUNYA Macizo 2008 €15.60 Nose of apple and horse-chestnut; crisp with an aftertaste of cheap sweets.
GARANTXO
3 MONTSANT Bruberry 2008 €9.90 Slightly medicinal nose with fruit overtones; deep and smooth taste which filled the mouth; smoky and astringent. This wine was a disappointment as I have had it before and really like the taste!
4 EMPORDA IO Masia Serra 2004 €15.20 A bizarre looking bottle with the wording on the label struck out! The nose was frankly awful smelling of paint thinner. The taste was sickly and insipid with a faint metallic taste. This one grew on me and I liked the aftertaste.
5 TERRA ALTA Llàgrimes de Tardor 2006 €7.75 Rich and complex nose; taste slightly sugary; high tannin content leaving a sherbety dryness in the mouth; slight after taste of toffee.
6 PRIORAT Camins del Priorat 2007 €13.50 Assertive and slightly acidic; high tannin; smooth finish.
CABERNET
7 PLA DE BAGES Abadal 2008 €6.85 Unobtrusive and drinkable.
8 PENEDÉS Pas Curtei 2007 €6.85 Nose of wheat and agriculture; slightly Sharp and papery with a well channelled taste.
9 COSTERS DEL SEGRE Vilosell 2007 €10.80 Sharp taste with a memory of Champagne-like pettilance; excellent after taste.
10 PRIORAT Somni 2007 €35.50 By far the best bottle of wine of the evening; smooth, sophisticated and delicious.

It has been suggested (possibly in self defence) that for our next meeting we have fewer wines to try but of higher quality and of the sort of wines that we would not normally buy. We shall see.

I have been contacted by Christopher with the suggestion of a web site that might help me in the disposal of books which I keep promising to start. Throwing out a book is anathema to me so I have been considering the possibility of getting some of the labels from http://www.bookcrossing-spain.com/ which would encourage me to leave books in public places so that they can be picked up by strangers and start a journey of being read and abandoned.

Christopher’s suggestion is that I look at http://bookmooch.com/ which is a site at which you can list the books you want to get rid of and then send them to people who express an interest and in return you get points to ‘spend’ on books which you want from others. I rather like this idea, but there will be a fair amount of postage involved, but at least the books will be going where they are wanted. I think that this deserves more study. It would also fit Toni’s injunction that any new book must be matched by an old one being ‘disposed of’.

Now for some cough medicine. Perhaps I should write tasting notes on that as well!

What money can buy!

The old truism, “Be careful what you ask for because you might get it” came to mind last night when I went to get the cheese for the Wine Tasting.

I visited the Deli in the centre of Castelldefels. It is a gastronomically beautiful place, but perhaps I should have been alerted by the fact that the shop name was emblazoned in a terminally elegant script. I had previously visited this establishment for an eye-wateringly expensive piece of cheddar and had been impressed by the knowledge of the person serving me and the fact that he knew about Wales.

This visit was for the selection of Catalan cheeses which are to be an accompaniment to the array (selection seems far too mild a word) of wines that have been purchased for the occasion.

Feeling fairly confident about what to ask for I informed the shop assistant that I wanted a “surtido de quesos” which means a selection of cheeses. I should perhaps have remembered the way that this innocent sounding request is interpreted in restaurants.

I watched in something approaching horror as the selection of cheeses were pared of their rinds and then carefully cut into bite sized segments and arranged artfully on a golden plate. At my request small cards were written to inform gourmands of the name of the cheese that they were sampling. This hand carving of already expensive cheese took so long that I could barely walk when I finally staggered away from the shop clutching a bag which contained a cardboard construction which in turn contained a bad which contained the cheese.

I paid by card because I do not think that I could have stayed the tears if I had had to hand over sheaves of money!

As getting the cheese was one of the three tasks that I had set myself for today I am now reduced to two: constructing the booklet for the tasting and getting some sort of metal construction to which to attach me bike to discourage the thieves who regard our part of the world as one large free shop!

Our new next door neighbours continue to disappoint. One of their bloody dogs has obviously been partially de-barked and its emasculated efforts sound like two rocks being ground together in a distant room. The other animal, however, is of the full throated variety and barks at anything that moves, anywhere in the vicinity and when tired of that emits a mournful howl. I hate it.

The ironic aspect of this cacophonous menagerie is that when the mendacious owner first arrived and engaged in conversation one of his first questions was whether this neighbourhood was noisy! I said that apart from the occasional aeroplane the noisiest aspect of living here were the dogs. In my innocence I had thought that he valued silence, not that he was going to shatter it!

And as if that were not enough, we now have only two months left before the arrival of The Scumbags who infest the house on the other side of us for the summer months. The Scumbags also have a crippled dog which has to be decorously arranged on the grass by his doting owners so that he can take the sun. His bark sounds as though someone (and the idea has certainly passed through my mind) is sticking a long, sharp pin into him in one of the areas where the thing still has feeling!

The periods of silence between the monomaniac yelps of the demented dog are almost as hard to bear as the noise the thing makes as you are waiting for the next bark.

It is now almost lunchtime and I have merely assembled the determination to do something rather than having achieved much! The information I have to present this evening is all on the coffee table in front of me; the ideas for the cover are stirring yeastily in my mind all it needs is action for things to happen.

A later entry will inform you whether I have done things in good time or waited for the adrenalin to kick in to get things done when there isn’t really the time left!

I am trying to get used to skimmed milk again. Not even real skimmed milk but rather the long-life variety. It says much for the way that I drink tea that my first cups of skimmed milk adulterated milk were not the shock I remember from the experience of Tesco red pack aged milk which, as far as I can remember, was vaguely white liquid and about as far removed from the dairy product that I relish as Alpha Centuri is from The Horse Head Nebula. I don’t actually know how far that is, but it must be more than a 15 minute drive!

Now to taste or ‘taste’ wine!

The Last Weekend!

Things have got to change!

Ah me! The wistful memories that such an injunction brings to mind! I wonder if I can still list all the times that I have stated (with a passion almost the equivalent of truth) that the status quo was not acceptable!

This time, however, the phrase has to be a lot more than a windy susurration.

I have been to see the nurse as part of my medical review and, although my charm managed to bring a smile to her face and a simper to her lips, she was quite firm in her conclusions. Conclusions which I fear are going to be reiterated with some degree of eyebrow raising intensity by the doctor when I see him this evening.

Those things which should not be high are, well, high and there is only so much that drugs can do before human willpower is called into play.

The bike is going to have to be brought out of its winter hibernation from the cupboard underneath the stairs and some form of bike stand drilled into the patio so that the thing can be kept outside. This is essential because the palaver of taking the bike out of the shed makes its use less than attractive as two other bikes have to extricated first. And when I say extricated I mean the solving of an intricate three dimensional jigsaw where the pedals are just a tiny bit irritating because they manage to link themselves together in the manner of one of those twisted metal puzzles that grandparents give to their grandchildren so they can see what a child with Attention Deficit Syndrome looks like.

By the time my bike is finally out of the shed and my murderous thoughts have calmed down a little, it is time to put the other two bikes back – knowing that when my bike ride is over I will have to take them out to put my bike back first and then fit the other two in again.

It isn’t worth the effort. And the bike staying in the shed unmolested for the colder months shows that. So a way of keeping the bike outside and ‘ready to go’ (apart from the numerous bike locks) is the only solution.

My attempts to find a 'bike safe' such as Clarrie and Mary have resulted in such looks of concentrated susupiciong and disbelief on Catalan faces that I fear that the time for such exotic things simply has not arrived in this part of the world!

Tomorrow is the Wine Tasting and I have done nothing, apart from not finding the bottle of wine that I wanted to put on the cover, about getting the booklet together. I am sure it will make Saturday just that little bit more interesting!

I have also said that I will provide a selection of Catalan cheese and I am relying on a recently found shop in Castelldefels to provide all the examples that I can hope to find. Cheese is disproportionately expensive here so I might find that I have drawn the short straw in compensating for the fact that the house is not really suitable for a gathering of a dozen in civilized surroundings.

Our Tasting is not going to be in Sitges but in St Pere de Ribes, though I will be staying in Sitges at the end of the evening. The fact that there is not a late train from Sitges to Castelldefels is something of a drawback to extended festivities but I have a friend in Sitges who extends the facilities of her ‘hotel’ for the night!

Before then I have to purchase a representative selection of Catalan cheeses to complement the selection of Catalan wines that we are going to taste. I know nothing of Catalan cheese and the ones that I have seen all look the same to me and have something of the same taste. I am sure that the (reassuringly) expensive deli in the centre of Castelldefels will guide my wallet to emptiness in the cause of gastronomic delight and exquisite flavour!

Escape! Some hope!

The Great and the Good (or at least the governing council of our school) has been visiting today.

I am still no further forward in finding out just how our institution runs than I was when I first arrived. At one level it seems democratic and above board, but when you try and find out specific information then the waters become just a little muddier! But that doesn’t really distinguish it from most of the other schools in which I have worked. Sometimes information clearly laid out can be obfuscation personified. I’m not sure that the previous sentence makes any sense but what I am getting at is that presentation of information can be a variant on the ‘hide something in full view’ technique.

We seem to be a Foundation and a Grant Aided school at the same time and in addition we charge large fees for the students in our care, but we do not seem to be dripping with wealth; at least the teachers don’t! What, one is tempted to ask, happens to the money! The perennial cry of teachers through the ages!

Toni has started to produce abstract paintings. I found the first when I came downstairs to begin the tea ceremony which is an essential propellant in making the transition from inside to outside to get me to school.

There, leaning gently against the large canvas on which Toni has been working for some time and which has more layers of paint than the Sistine Chapel was a vibrant scarlet canvas with a vaguely fish like form in streaks of colour. In the centre was a round white blob surrounded by yellow and orange. All in all remarkably effective and I even (gasp!) took down MY photograph of the frozen rose to put up Toni’s latest efforts. And it looks good.

He has already started a second canvas which is a black base with smears of silver metallic paint and that is well on its way towards being a successful emanation of Toni’s artistic spirit! I think that these canvases are much more lively and interesting than his more representational paintings and have a flair and panache that the others lack.

I only hope that this artistic outpouring can be converted into a reasonable cash flow.

Bring on the internet!

Anything but school!

The doors opened and we loungers outside shuffled in and on our names being called out we stood roughly in line and waited. I thought we resembled nothing so much as a line of unfortunates queuing outside a soup kitchen during the Great Depression. We included the halt, the lame and the coughing and had all assembled to make our sanguinary deposits to give added information to our medical advisors.

As the blood-letting session was at 8.00 am I had to tell the school that I was going to be late. As it turned out the roads (until the end of the journey) were astonishingly clear and it was only the equally astonishing lack of consideration of wealthy parents ejecting their fortunate offspring from various large multi-terrain vehicles at various pricy establishments on our road that slowed me down.

My final parking site was a space where I was aided by a remarkable gap in the traffic which allowed me to navigate the car into the tight spot without the impatient writhings of Catalans seething behind their wheels watching me.

As it turned out I only missed a quarter of an hour of my class, but even this limited opportunity allowed my head of department who was taking the lesson to fill the blackboard with numerous gnomic hieroglyphics related to grammar to explain and correct the homework which I had set yesterday. Needless to say her elegant and confident grammatical explanations would never have occurred to me in my wildest analytical language moments. Luckily I think I was able to stop her in time before the class got used to such detailed and irrefutable explanations. I fear that she little resorts to the “because we do” form of grammatical explanation much loved by my good self!

As you can probably tell from my up-beat tone of typing, the sun is shining and that, added to my late arrival has given the day a different spin.

Perhaps now is the ideal time for me to look again at the rabid letter of complaint which I penned yesterday to The Worst Bank in the World. I should keep telling myself that I do want the money back and that BBVA has the resources to elongate this dispute into a life-long pilgrimage of grace for me at very little cost to themselves – but where is the fun in being the reasonable one when dealing with the large bank that simply doesn’t care about what its customers think? I think that ‘spleen’ or possibly ‘splenetic’ is the operative word when dealing with an organization this useless!

The sun has now gone, as if the mere thought of BBVA is sufficient to draw clouds and muzzle the life enhancing qualities of our nearest star.

Time to drip a little more poison into the letter and the hell with restraint!

Restraint is what one needs when faced with a known absence of three days by a colleague and no effort made to get a substitute to fill her place. No, classes will be collapsed again and, as a major concession, colleagues will be asked to substitute! And we permanent teachers are complicit in this! Not even a whisper of getting a supply teacher. Why? Why are we underpaid teachers saving money for a highly expensive institution mostly packed with the scions of the rich?

I think these are real questions and not rhetorical, but no one seems to articulate them. Certainly there are teachers with kids in school at cut price and half the staff seems to have relations in the student body of the school. But I don’t. But I am a lone voice crying in a Union wilderness in an environment which will sack at the sound of a union membership application being unfolded!

Tomorrow the excitement of an electro-cardiogram: there is truly no end to the delights with which my life is surrounded!

Ceri and Dianne have given me ideas for the design of the booklet (how did they know that I was going to produce one?) for the Catalan Wine Tasting on Saturday. I need to get started on the cover. My confident choice of image was dependent on Lidl having the bottle of wine I needed: which they do not now stock! That is one of the delights of the shop; it encourages you to think of it as a normal store, the next time you go there it doesn’t have what you want.

But I will think of something else. The one thing that I do not have is a book of Catalan quotations: that is going to be a challenge!

Keeps my mind off school work!

A more than usually unpleasant day in school. I think that my patience for young humans is rapidly evaporating.

I think that my expectations for the general standard for behaviour in class are unrealistic but, unfortunately, it doesn’t stop my expecting it! This is not a recipe for happy teaching. The time, as the Bard says, is out of joint for me and that should be taken into account when I come to decide what to do at the end of this academic year.

As July is a positive life time away, I will have to find other things to fill my mind or the remaining months will be torture.

In a reworking of Eliot one of my colleagues said that February, in teaching, is the cruellest month – and I think he might have a point.

In March the weather starts to improve and the examinations for which the pupils are not working take on a greater reality and help focus their minds.

The news that GB had won gold in the Winter Olympics came as something of a shock as the Games do not appear to feature at all on Spanish television. Going to the ever dependable BBC Website I did at least find some information, whereas on Spanish television there is nothing and they appear to be judging truly appalling songs for the Spanish entry for the Eurovision Song Contest.

The medal tables in the Winter Olympics don’t make comfortable reading for the British – although our single gold (our single medal) ensures that we are 16th, but below countries like Holland! In the all-time medal ratings Holland still manages to trounce us with 28 golds to our 8!

I may be mistaken here, but the last time I visited Holland I was not struck by the mass of snow covered mountains sticking out of the polders, yet Holland is the country next in the list after the obvious candidates to gain medals like Austria, Switzerland, the USA and Italy. I don’t understand; but I am not actually interested enough to try and find out an explanation for the inexplicable. It might just turn out to be too prosaic to be tolerable.

The tea bags brought over by Ceri and Dianne (PS Tips and caffeine-free) have made one of my colleagues very happy. Though he is British to his finger tips, they are not actually for him but rather for his Catalan wife! Were such an exotic beverage to be found in this part of the world it would also be vastly expensive, so I have told my colleague to tell his wife to make sure that this supply lasts until I go to GB in September for more supplies!

If he is lucky!

Home from Home

The first gentle drops of rain started to fall as soon as I went out of the front door on our way to pick up Ceri and Dianne. By the time we got to the airport (via a new and dark route that I had never tried before – much to the horror of Toni when I told him it was the first time I had tried it) the downpour had reached biblical proportions with walkways transformed into substantial rivers and the whole horror accompanied by OTT peals of thunder and exciting sheets of blinding lightning.

After their first attempt to get to Barcelona with their plane cancelled because of poor weather their final arrival to the rolling waves of a watery Armageddon was greeted by Dianne with barely suppressed hysteria!

By the time we had got home and were ready to go out for a meal the waters had abated somewhat and, although it was late, we managed to find a restaurant on the paseo which served a very passable meal though it was to the accompaniment of the raucous enjoyment of about twenty football fans sitting next to us who, in the Spanish way, all talked at once at the tops of their voices.

Their eventual departures after many loud toasts transformed the ambience in the restaurant from the stands to the sepulchre!

The meal and arrival aside it was time to get down to the most important part of Ceri and Dianne’s visit: the revealing of the tie.

This year I am going to be teaching during Saint David’s Day and I particularly wanted an appropriate tie. I had looked in the souvenir shop opposite the Castle for something appropriate when I was last in Cardiff, but couldn’t find anything truly suitable. I had thought that a daffodil might have been the most stylish (a new use of the word!) image to emblazon on the narrow confines of a tie but what they produced was far in excess (and I mean that word most sincerely) of my most jingoistic fantasies.

To hell with taste and decorum, I am now the proud owner of a fearsome piece of material on which large dragons in the very brightest red rampage diagonally across the tie which is slashed with the national colours of white and green. It is, one might say, noticeable. It impresses itself, as it were, searingly across the retina.

It might be a little more difficult than usual to convince the denizens of my school that this new monster is ‘one of the seven’ ties which I admit to owning! It will be a sensation!

Saturday saw us, eventually, in Barcelona and after a sophisticated lunch in a second choice restaurant we had the usual wander before terminal tiredness forced us back on the bus to return to Castelldefels for another meal!

Sunday has not dawned with the same sunshine that greeted us yesterday morning, but it is not raining so that is surely a plus!

I can now hear the unmistakable sounds of human movement and I feel that I will shortly be joined by sleepy eyed guests who might feel up to staggering to the bakery to get something for breakfast.

The dry weather did not last long and after lunch the atmospheric lighting of the waves under dark blue skies showed itself merely to be an artistic prelude to yet more dampness. So Ceri and Dianne left to the accompaniment of the gentle kiss of rain drops on windshield. I had to keep assuring them that the weather has been exceptionally bad for this time of the year and last year was much better and I am sure that it will all improve for the summer sort of fond hope!

An inept backward sweep of the razor in the shower has elicited a sanguinary response from my much abused chin.

I had the indignity of wandering about in a living pastiche of Homer Simpson with a small piece of bloody tissue adhering to my face and causing gasps of astonished sympathy from my newly awakened guests until judicious use of warm water managed to remove the blood stiffened paper from my face and reveal an almost imperceptible nick.

Always take your sympathy where you can find it is wise advice and I drank it up until it was resentfully reclaimed by harsh observers who expected more than microscopic rents in the facial skin.

With the departure of Ceri and Dianne I realise that we have no future visits planned until the possible arrival of The Pauls in August. In the summer. If we have one!

Until then the whole of the rest of the weary school term has to unwind itself towards the distant halcyon days of July. At the moment, at this stage of February, the end of June seems impossibly far away.

Easter holidays come first.

Please!

Sod's Law.

As if on cue the sun is shining: I only hope that it lasts into the afternoon so that my guests are greeted with a sight of my favourite star! And that, apart from the nights, it blazes out for the whole of their stay!

Also, as if on cue, I feel awful with a racking cough and a sore throat. One has to admire god’s sense of irony and timing!

I will have to regard Ceri and Dianne’s visit as if they were a lesson I have to teach.

This is not to say that it is a chore, but rather that I will draw the necessary adrenaline from it to boost my performance.

I have always found that, no matter how bad I felt, I could use the chemistry of a lesson to give me temporary relief from my ailments and then collapse decorously out of sight of the customers!

If it works for a class, how much more likely is it to work with old friends! Well, that’s my strategy and I only hope it works!

A message from Toni half way through the morning, which I thought was a joke, informed me that Ceri and Dianne’s flight had been cancelled.

It wasn’t a joke.

Bad weather or low cloud caused the flights from Bristol to be cancelled. Although their flight has been transferred the only flight tomorrow is in the evening so they have in effect, lost an entire day of the weekend. At least they were insured so that they will be able to claim for the day that they have lost.

At least I will be able to pick them up from the airport tomorrow. Out of every disaster there are crumbs of comfort!

It takes a lesson where I am able to talk about “Of Mice and Men” to show me that there is still pleasure to be found in teaching!

Obviously this novel is one which is almost absurdly perfectly designed for GCSE teaching, but even in a school where the majority of the pupils’ first language is not English it is still very successful. Talking about the structure of the novel and character and incident was an almost indecent delight!

It shows up, with remarkable sharpness the basic aridity of the instruction which I usually patter out on a day to day basis to my classes. My almost pathological ability to respond to any stimulus (no matter how slight) which allows me to indulge my true passion for digression is limited in this school by the fact that we are all chained to text books and that any ‘falling behind’ is instantly picked up by my class from the progress of the two other classes which are usually being instructed in tandem with my own.

Because of the examination and test culture which runs the school, any omission (real or imagined) in the teaching is instantly pounced on by the pupils who expect to be spoon fed with information at every opportunity. They are a ‘needy’ lot who always (and I mean always) have an excuse ready to justify their outraged amour-propre when they are seen to fail. Talking to a history teacher, he said that after every test he gives he is surrounded by pupils who demand to know why they only have a 2 or 3 out of 10 for their results. He tries to explain that they have put faulty information in their answers; dates are incorrect and locations which are way out. Their response to this is, “But I studied!” As if effort should be its own reward irrespective of any accuracy in their responses! That tells you a lot about the way our school operates!

Time ticks on and I have managed to get some time off school tomorrow so that I can greet my guests at a rather earlier time that my customary half past five in the evening. I am typing this in a lesson which I am taking (well, baby-sitting) for the science teacher who has now been absent for three days. All future absence should therefore be covered by a supply teacher. Yeah! Right! As one of my colleagues keeps telling me so that I say this side of sanity, “Remember Stephen, this isn’t Britain.” Indeed it isn’t.

There does appear to be some fragmentary sunshine to lighten up the desultory weather that we have been suffering, but it is neither strong nor consistent enough to justify any strong belief that there is going to be fine weather for the visit of Ceri and Dianne. I hope that climatic events will prove me wrong, but if the weather is anything like the past week then they will go away with a very jaundiced opinion about one of the major reasons for my moving to this part of the world in the first place. But, I live, as always, in hope. And sometimes expectation!

Spain has ‘enjoyed’ a marathon session of Big Brother which has eventually come to a grisly close. Imagine my chagrin to find that some diseased imagination decided that the empty house could be used for a further session with has-beens from previous series! The theme music for this abject apology for entertainment when it rings out on television is enough to make me scurry away like a startled teetotal American evangelist caught in the act of savouring the bouquet of a 40 year Oban single malt from the belly button of a buxom whore with his trousers round about his ankles!

A member of the maths department has rounded on me and gibbered something about my photographs. These are my entry for the Teachers’ Section of the Maths Photography Competition in the School. You know the sort of thing; a photo of something vaguely related to maths - circles of road signs, squares of tiles etc. Last year a senior figure in the school seemed to have it all his own way – it is my function to complicate things this year. I have encouraged a proven competition winner and fellow member of the English department to enter as well. Another colleague has just bought a new camera and I hope she enters too. This year there will be a real competition.

Bring on the Brits!

And so it goes on

My (perfectly justifiable) misery about school yesterday was augmented today by a traffic jam which met me almost as soon as I got onto the motorway on my way to the place. With gritted teeth and thumping my elbow onto the ledge just above the internal door handle (I find it helps) I made my way forward at a halting pace.

My mood was not improved by the realization that I would be taking a 4ESO class for an absent colleague the work for which I had in my bag. The only advantage to all of this was that the class started twenty minutes later than the class that I should have been taking, so my latish arrival after an hour on the road would make no difference.

I arrived in school to find the usual chaos in progress. I should never have been given the class for the absent colleague; the class did not start twenty minutes later; my normal class was waiting etc etc etc. Nothing changes!

And, to cap it all off, the 2ESO class that I should have taken after my normal class have all been packed off to a technological museum in Terrassa! And I haven’t been taken for a substitution – which is what this school calls a ‘cover’ lesson or what Llanedeyrn High School called more interestingly ‘drag.’ I value such unexpected pleasures and it makes me think that the world is not entirely bad.

Talking of badness; there is talk of adjusting holidays. In my experience any ‘adjustment’ by the management is always to the detriment of the workers (cf. Baker Days). The present plan, which seems to have been worked out with the government and a few friendly, cowed unions, is that a new holiday be instituted in late February or early March and the week given to teachers be added on to the end of the present summer term. This will mean taking up precious days off July!

The only time that the meeting (about which I still do not want to talk) came alive is when right at the end the directora started talking about the movement of the holidays. Everyone (except for me) had something to say about that, while I was trying to work out exactly what had been said. I needn’t have worried, asking others the next day I found that fluent Spanish and Catalan speakers didn’t seem to know the details either! No doubt we shall hear rumblings of plans and ideas and then suddenly be presented with a fait accompli! It is the way of things.

As we are part of the private education system (although partially funded by the Generalitat) we do not have to do what the public system does. I think the plan is that we somehow make up the time by a combination of not taking the holiday and working more in the days that we have next September (assuming that I am still here) when we prepare for the next influx of students.

The hell with it all! Let my mind dwell on more congenial aspects of my life.

I have made a desultory start on the arrangement of my books into some sort of coherent order. This is not easy as there is insufficient shelf space still and I have not grasped the nettle of book destruction to ensure useful space for books that I actually want to keep.

The key to my future plans of book coherence lies in Shakespeare.

My collection of The Bard’s books is exhaustive and I have multiple copies of the plays in old and new editions. I have notes from every publisher under the sun and academic tomes of intimidating learning. What I have to ask myself is if I will ever use them again.

Obviously I need copies of the texts, but the notes? And how many copies do I actually need. In the past I kept a further text of a Shakespeare play if its introduction looked half way decent. But today with limited shelving resources I have to be firm.

That last sentence looks as if I actually have a definite intention, though the number of times that I have said the same sort of thing in writing shows just how facile it is to say something and how difficult it is to make it a reality! But I do think that I am getting the necessary psychological strength to do something – even if it is only to put the Books In Question into a box and put the box Elsewhere!

The way that I am approaching the gargantuan task of getting my books in order is to approach the almost overwhelming prospect book case by bookcase. I sort the books into category and then literature by century. Eventually I will have the bookcases with their elements in some sort of order and then I will be able to begin the tit-for-tat approach off moving the books. I have realized that, once the books are in bookcase order I will have to measure the length of shelf space each section takes up so that I can eventually decide where things can fit.

My aim is that by the end of the summer I should have my books in order. And then perhaps I can find the copy of Froth on the Daydream” by Boris Vian that I have promised to loan to one of my colleagues. Then, at last, I will know another human being who has read the novel! But where the novel actually is in the morass of my collection is not immediately apparent. I hope it will eventually emerge, as it were!
Meanwhile Ceri and Dianne will be here tomorrow and although for the next two days I will only be able to see them in the evening at least we will have the weekend together.

Roll on a decent meal in opulent surroundings with congenial company.

I have just been told that I have lost another free period because of absence. There is an instant equilibrium in this bloody place anything you gain is actively seen as something which must be taken away from you at the earliest possible moment. It is at times like this that my plans for the end of the summer term seem more fixed and more final!

God rot them all!

What's to look forward to? Please!

The after effects of the truly grisly and horrendous meeting last night (I don’t want to talk about it) were seen in the grey faces of the survivors who walked blankly to lessons this morning.

I am building up my resentment for ANOTHER Saturday morning meeting of the staff to witter on about the older students. When I think about The Worst Bank in the World not giving me back the money they have taken under false pretences and a meeting outside the normal teaching week and the rain – I could despair.

However, there is a visit impending when Ceri and Dianne will descend upon our part of Castelldefels and I am collecting names of decent restaurants in Barcelona so that we can have a gastronomically satisfactory time!

There is also the question of viewpoint. Ceri, it would appear, is looking forward to seeing Barcelona from a bird’s eye view to see how interesting a vista of rooftops might be. I hope that he is going to produce drawings and paintings: this will be something of a departure from his recent work, but I look forward to such developments.

This has meant that I have put fairly strange requests to my colleagues about where to stand in Barcelona to give the perspective that Ceri requires. We have come down to the stalwart Gaudi building whose roof is one of the architectural glories of this part of the world.

Another suggestion was the Columbus statue which, I now understand has a life in it and what must be panoramic views. Our school also has commanding views of Barcelona, while from a neighbouring hill there is more Gaudi and even more spectacular views. But we will have to wait to see exactly what Ceri is after. I hope it produces something saleable!

The weather continues to be absolutely despicable. There is a quality in the present slew of bad days which has something in common with the weather of my native land – though there are glimpses of fugitive Spanish sunshine to keep some sort of shreds of faith in the belief that the summer will, eventually, come.

It is of little comfort to me that Toni describes this summer as the worst that he has ever known: I want sunshine (and lots of it) now!

As I am getting no sun I am feeling the lure of an Irrelevant Electronic Gadget Purchase – I suppose that this qualifies as a little retail therapy for me. The real problem is that I am positively replete with electronics with the result that every trailing multi -socket looks as though it is being consumed by multiple writhing serpents all of whom have sunk their fangs into the electricity supply.

Not many of these serpentine monsters have devices attached to their length. Indeed for some of them I have little idea which device is supposed to be fitted to them. The logic would therefore be that I at least either find out whether the devices I have begging for power will fit or else at least take them off and save power.

But there is a higher logic which says that if you even think about “putting pieces of electronic equipment away” then at least half of the things that need power will immediately fail and you will never find the correct power source again ever! True!

We went out to the Worst Bank in the World to see if by any chance they had repaid the money they had taken unjustly and dishonestly. No change there: they preserve their putrid record with ease!

What was more pleasant (and a clear example of good customer relations) was in our local bar/restaurant and I had a free meal. On the back of the business card of the establishment there is a grid for the waiter to sign each time you have a meal. After eight signatures you are entitled to a free meal! So near to BBVA (just around the corner) but so far from them in terms of making their customers loyal, rather than mutinously homicidal!

Talking of mutiny we have a spate of absences in school at the moment and the head of making people do more work than they are paid for is frantically looking for free periods in our ridiculously long day to fill any vacant spaces.

It never enters their tiny heads that it might be a good thing to employ a supply teacher. One science teacher is absent, probably with the flu and is likely to be absent for the better part of the week, but no move has been made to find somebody to take her place.

Oh no, unthinkable while there are teachers who can take her lessons and classes that can be collapsed then nothing will be done to lessen the load on colleagues. Although the senior staff involved are nice enough their way of thinking is not about their colleagues. They cringe in apology when you lose a non contact period but they do nothing (nothing!) to stop it happening.

Although most (amazingly not all) staff moan and groan about the way that cover is organized, no one does anything about it.

There are truly glaring faults in the way in which our school is organized and run, but without an effective trade union base for discussion it is easy to marginalize people and, with a resigned shrug and a nervous little chuckle consign valid questioning of how things are done to oblivion.

I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the laissez faire attitude which is the predominant one in school. Wear resignation is not my usual response to obvious injustice. I simply wonder if I have the energy or emotional resilience to encourage effective representation.

Having said that my union contact has contacted me and asked if I would be prepared to have a chat with a union representative with a view to boost our membership in school.

Employment law in Spain is such that as far as I can understand the employer has the right to sack you for any reason or none. As long as the correct money is paid (so many days for every year worked) then no one in legal terms is even faintly interested. So a lone teacher pressing for union recognition or increased union membership is basically on a hiding to nothing and is looking to be sacked at the earliest possible opportunity.

While being sacked has its attractions, February is a little too soon in my plans for this to occur!

I think.

If only we could trust each other!

The most difficult decision that any working person has to make is whether or not to link personal keys with work keys.

Let’s face it, it is after all a decision of crucial importance. On the one hand putting the two sets of keys together makes it less difficult to find yourself with the wrong set and vainly trying to open the car with a classroom key and cursing the fact that you have put the other set in your case.

On the other hand separation means double the opportunity for mislaying the damn things.

I freely admit that I am not the most tidy of people and the fact that I do not have a teaching room base means that in my frantic peregrinations around the school and my equally chaotic progress from one teaching space to another there are numerous opportunities for the keys to go missing. And they do.

At the moment my losses have been compensated for by the reality behind the homely wisdom of my head of department who sagely says in a calming sort of way when I am frantically turning over books and searching cupboards, “They always turn up.” Not, please note, “usually” but the infinitely comforting “always!” So far that has been the case and my keys have always been found in the places where I have left, ignored, discarded, dropped or otherwise dispensed with them.

As doors have to be locked after use and opened to let the pupils in, it would appear to be possible to trace where the keys were last used. Appearance is not reality. Sometimes one takes over directly from another teacher and sometimes the room is not locked. Such combinations lead to panic on my part when the clanking comfort of the chatelaine-like bundle is missing.

I have found my keys lying ignored on otherwise clear desks; placed carefully in my pigeon hole; dumped unceremoniously in the centre of the staff room table to join the jumble of stationery and other impedimenta; handed back to me; hidden deep in one of the pockets of my briefcase and only found following Mad Lewce’s dictum that things have to be cleared out entirely three times before they can be classified as lost; hidden under other people’s books – and once, horrifically, on the floor. But they have always made it back to me. So far!

I thought long and hard about the separation of the sets of keys, but it was becoming something of a joke to take out a combined set which looked as though I was the jailer of some maximum security installation!

I have now tried to adopt a policy where I put my house keys in the same spot every time I come home. And, amazingly, so far it’s almost working. Which I think I have to classify as success. For me.

During the winter months I utilize my overcoat as part of my key filing system. The car keys go into my coat pocket and then the coat is locked in the cupboard which we use for coats. The school keys then go into my trouser pocket. The only thing I have to remember is to replace my school keys in my pocket every time I lock or unlock a door. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it is more difficult that you think.

Classes are not empty rooms and, almost as soon as you are through the door (and often when you are not) the kids regard you as a resource to be tapped at once and it is all too easy to drop the keys in an absent minded gesture as you cope with the thousand questions that our needy kids always have to ask!

It is now 11.00 am and, given the bloody meeting which we have to endure this afternoon and evening, we still have eight hours of school business ahead of us.

I used to think that Curriculum Meetings in LHS were the absolute nadir of human experience, but these meetings in Catalonia are not only as boring, but also have the added ingredient that most of the talking is in Catalan.

I used to think that not knowing the language in which self important non entities were mouthing off platitudes would be an advantage – giving you obvious scope for infinitely more interesting day dreaming. Not so. We all sit around a square island of tables and there are too many people watching you for you to be able to drift away to the Isles of Oblivion and ride the gentle waves of tedium until real life drags you back to reality and the delicious possibility of escape.

An hour has passed and there are now seven hours for purgatorial time life in school until the delights of the ring road claim me and show me the way to oblivion and an early bed!

And just in case you are wondering about the spacious time I have to type in school then I might point you to our ridiculously long day where spaces for teaching are available from 8.15 to 16.45.

At least it makes timetabling somewhat simple and it usually offers at least one “free” period a day – hardly surprising when you consider that the number of slots in a normal week (though god alone knows what is normal in this place) is around 35, compared with a normal British school which would have 25 slots. And in a British school at least some of those periods would be non contact periods. I have 23 teaching periods in my present school and a weekly scheduled departmental meeting, taking my total to 24 allocated periods leaving as many as nine “free” periods in the artificially long week. In the British system I would be suffering from only 1 free period in a 25 period week.

So, not only am I teaching more in the Spanish system but I also have to consider my personal time as so-called free periods. And I am paid less. But it is money. Though not much. And so on ad infinitum.

It is at times like this that United Nations Day seems both very far away and very close!

And there is always the National Lottery and Euro Millions and the ONCE and a random act of munificence . . .

There is always reading!

The intriguingly titled “The Marriage Bureau for Rich People” by Farahad Zama was a Christmas present (somewhat delayed) from Aunt Betty. I read it as an antidote to the vulgarities of “Twilight” by Stephenie Meyer – and I ended up enjoying it.

Its style reminded me of “The No 1 Women’s Detective Agency” novels by Alexander McCall Smith. Zama’s book set in Vizag in south India concerns the retired Mr Ali’s success in setting up the eponymous agency.

The first part of the novel is episodic and different with the same mix of banality and exoticism that characterizes McCall Smith’s books set in Botswana. There is a picaresque quality to Zama’s book which is reminiscent of the sort of writing which you find in a magazine columnist with a settled weekly audience fascinated with his take on a foreign oddity cantered on an unfashionable cultural institution like the concept of the arranged marriage.

As soon as the central love story takes off then there is a completely different dynamic to the story line and it becomes, inevitably perhaps, more conventional. Though not necessarily less enjoyable for that.

Mr Ali becomes a figure of considerable authority and insight and someone who seems to embody the common sense of experience to an extraordinary degree. Perhaps one should treat the book as a fairy tale! I recommend it as a fairly easy and spasmodically funny read.

St Valentine’s Day came and went. It was enlivened this year by television showing a group of Muslims burning the rubbish associated with the commercialization of the day. It was bizarre watching some bushy bearded elder rather maladroitly attempting to burn a big pink heart - obviously constructed by the zealots specially to be burnt!

I must admit that it rather an endearing thought to imagine some embittered imam buying pink cardboard and cutting out a heart. It was rather depressing watching fluffy toys singeing in the flames as well, watched by heavily veiled girls whose sparkling eyes watched the carnage!

I do, of course agree with the rejection of the more garish aspects of commercialization, but I also object to demonstrations by religious fanatics devaluing my position by throwing blind faith and mindless prejudice at my carefully thought out political position!

Tomorrow one of the interminable meetings after school that our institution likes so much.

And I don’t.