Post Haste Indeed!

 

 

 

Half a dozen bottles of more than decent Cava seemed the best way to start the preparations for my forthcoming birthday. 

     No matter that the Cava was going to be used in a Cava Sangria, I was determined to have something palatable to celebrate.  I therefore hunted around and found a website that offered half a dozen well-designed, ‘limited-edition’ bottles at a bargain price. 

     I still have the financial scars from other past ‘bargains’ online, so I took the lazy man’s safety precautions of asking Chat to evaluate not only the quality of the offer, but also the quality of the online website offering it.  Both were deemed ‘good’ and so I took the plunge and ordered it on the 8^th of October, and the supplier, OUTLET PC got to work immediately.

     I got a swift emailed receipt from the supplier and was pleasantly surprised to get an email from the delivery organization telling me that my packet would arrive the next day, on the 9^th of October between the hours of 16:00 to 18:00!  I did not, at the time that delight was warming the cockles of my heart, notice the emboldened “approximately” before the times stated.

     On the 9^th of October 4pm came and went, with no delivery.  6pm came and went, with no delivery.  And I waited.

     Eventually I consulted the delivery details and checked where my goods were.  Their website informed me that they had tried to deliver the package at 20:09.  We were in the house and we heard nothing.  The doorbell was working perfectly.  I wrote to the deliverers at 20:24 informing them that I had waited for the package and that I was in the house expecting it to arrive.  And nothing.

     The next day I checked the website again and found that they had tried to make a second delivery at 21:02.  Again, there was no evidence in the form of a receipt left in the post box, nor a ring at the doorbell.

     At this point I should add some extra information.  I know that the parcel was in Barcelona (19 km down the road) at about 8 in the morning of the 9^th.  The 9^th of October was a Friday, and the following Monday was The Day of Spanish-ness and therefore a bank holiday, thus creating a little Puente or mini holiday over the weekend.

     Now, I am not suggesting that the delivery people deliberately made no attempt to deliver the package and that the attempts to do so were listed with precision, but total unreality and that they had every intention of sloping off early to enjoy the mini break, leaving my parcel to be delivered on the Tuesday.  No, indeed I am not suggesting that.  I merely put it forward as a plausible scenario that fits the facts.

     I have now been given a new delivery date for today.  No times, but the package is on its way.  Allegedly.

     You may ask if I made any attempt to contact the delivery people to ask for an explanation, or to rearrange a delivery time.  Yes, I did.  But the communication I sent would have arrived on a Sunday and been ignored on Monday.  Also, the advice just to click the “rearrange the delivery” button on screen, did not actually exist.

    It was a case of computer-generated delivery information, neatly tabulated and timed, but existing independently from the human agents who have to make the numbers work.

     I might also add that the delivery company is Correos Express, a branch of the post office.  And Correos has form as far as fantastic deliveries are concerned.  We once found a receipt in the letter box informing us that a delivery had been attempted and failed with a time written in which was AFTER the time that we picked up the receipt.  Time travel is not a difficulty for these characters.  That was years ago, and it is depressing to see the same sort of service levels years later.

     It is now 11:10 and Correos Express (sic!) has had my parcel since the 9^th of October.

     The graphic which shows the locality of the package on their web page, the black dot of my Cava is next to, nay, touching, the clear dot of my house.

    

     So near, and yet so very far.

 

 

When is a drink not a drink?

 

It is always good to have a goal in life.

There exists (because I have seen in on the TV and that, as everyone knows, is a bastion of truthfulness) a non-alcoholic gin and tonic.  Who cares? I hear you all chant in unison.  And you do, of course, have a point.  Why would anyone who likes a good G&T want it without the alcohol that makes it all worthwhil?.

Well, me.

As I have had my alcohol intake curtailed by medical advice (I hardly count “one small glass of red wine” as being an invitation to anything) I have looked around for alternatives.  Luckily, my fading memories of early attempts at non-alcoholic beer, have not been re-born by trying the modern alternatives.  There was a sort of stout that I drank in Edinburgh lately that actually tasted like the real thing, and it was in larger than usual bottle as well!

So, having exhausted the delights of having cold water with my meals and alternating with Casera (a calorie free sort of pop) and equally not really liking that either.  I am in the market for drinks that actually taste like something like the originals that I am not allowed to drink.

I have not had the courage to ask for non-alcoholic wine, as my memories of that horror are still vivid and not something that I want to repeat.  And, anyway, who would have the courage to ask for something so vile in a country that makes so much of the real stuff?

There is a kids-version of Cava, but that it impossibly sweet and the bottle is naff too.

This lunchtime I asked for pimentos del padron which are green fried peppers.  Nothing out of the ordinary about that, but I had to say “sin sal” in other words “without salt” as that is another of the denials that I have to make.  As the chunks of sea salt are an integral part of the dish, to ask for it not to be there is akin to having fish and chips without mushy peas.  It’s still a tasty dish, but it’s not the same.

Like the beer and the wine and the mythical G&T without alcohol.

But, if it exists, I am prepared to give it a try.

An ongoing project of mine is to find a way to make non-alcoholic sangria (another no-no for most people in this country) but nothing daunted, I am prepared to do some research to find a way to make the stuff that I can drink.  There is a concoction of tinto de Verano or red wine of summer that had been advertised as non-alcoholic version.  That could form the base, the add fruit and then the only problem is with the brandy or similar to give a flavoured base.  I am convinced that there is a non-alcoholic brandy flavouring used in baking that would suit the bill.

It may not “work” but it should be fun trying!

If anyone out there has a suggestion to make the drink more palatable, feel free to let me know.  I am always looking to extend the non-alcoholic delights in store for me!