In the post-Eurovision 2011 world we need to be a little tighter on our definitions and a little stricter concerning out-moded views on democracy.
Firstly, there seems to be a certain slackness about what scraps of land are being allowed to call themselves countries. A name does not a country make, especially when Monty Python names like “The Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia” are being countenanced!
I would like to offer my services to help the next Eurovision contest which is to be held in the country of the un-spellable and the city of the un-knownable.
Real countries are those:
1 Which have fought an official war with or against the British.
2 Which are or have been colonies, ex-colonies or dependencies of the Commonwealth (see 1 above).
3 Which have country names of three words or fewer including the definite article
4 Have been in existence for at least 21 years and have therefore come of age.
5 Which have a population of more than five million and all votes to be scaled according to population.
6 Which give their votes using the English language and do not have ludicrously dramatic pauses before announcing the higher points awarded to their immediate geographical neighbours.
7 Which are not in the Balkans
8 Which are not bloody fragments torn from the old USSR
9 Which have armies of more than a regiment
10 Which have the minimum of three of the following artists in their national or regional collections: Monet, Turner, Goya, Cezanne, Titian, Van Gogh, William Blake, Rothko, Canaletto, Magritte, Richard Wilson, Van Eyck, Constable, Rubens, Ter Borsch and Hockney.
11 Which recognize and implement Gay Rights as, given the make-up of the audience in the Eurovision Contest the reporter on the World Service of the BBC said there could be a real possibility that the hall might be at least half empty if there are problems.
12 Which sing in English and do not have folk dancers, folk costumes or folk instruments in their performances.
If these simple, humane and liberal rules were to be applied then I think that we could look forward to an intensely satisfying and civilized contest next year.
The rain hammered down last night and now at midday there is bright sunshine – I suppose I should make the most of it before it disappears!
The Summer (with a capital S) is assuredly here. I have thrown caution, and most of my clothes, to the winds and thrown myself into the pool. This is the traditional way in which Summer (with a capital S) arrives in Castelldefels. To be truthful it was not as horrific an experience as I expected it to be. After the initial shock has worn off I considered it within a degree of the perfect temperature for swimming - possibly not for lounging about in the water though.
Because of pullulating nature in our area it was necessary to break through a positive crust of pollen deposited over the water in the pool by the randy pine trees in the immediate vicinity. Having broken the ice, as it were, I confidently expect other residents to follow.
Unfortunately our vile part-time neighbours seem to have taken up residence for their annual visit. We expect them some time in May for their summer stint, but not usually this early. They have the consideration of deaf cockroaches for the sensibilities of their neighbours and play loud music at all times of the day and night; argue vociferously and vilely with their recalcitrant daughter and they smoke.
Their only redeeming feature is that they are only here for the summer and Easter week. Their going in September is marked by our drinking the best Cava in the finest of cut glass. Unfortunately it also coincides with the start of school, so it is not a time of unmixed joy.
As we did not go out for lunch today, we are going out to dinner and I will try to forget that I have to get up at 6.30 am for an 8.15 start in Barcelona.
Ugh!
But, on the other hand, we have reached the “tipping point” of the month of May and June is the last month of the year. All things come to an end.
Eventually.
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