I seem to recall the Germanic Dwarf describing a year when her appalling family’s peccadillos and the cost of keeping her in an estate to which she feels she is totally entitled, prompted her to describe the previous 356 days as an annus horribilis. Poor old thing, with only her countless millions to protect her from the vicissitudes of a life to which she clings with the desperate tenacity of her even more dwarfish mother for fear that something far, far worse should follow her and the lumpen population of the so-called United Kingdom at last wakes up and realizes that they have been infantilized for generations by paying for, and respecting, a worthless group of parasitic upper class nonentities.
At this point I remember that horrific quote in Apocalypse Now when the clearly mad officer says that he loves the smell of napalm in the morning. There is something just as astringently bracing and disturbing as venting one’s spleen against the so-called House of Windsor. Unfortunately I always get carried away and forget just what point of mine that they were supposed to illustrate!
It has come back to me. It is all to do with that stubborn representative of the House of Werin (not the made up name they gave themselves when their adopted country was fighting their homeland) and her ‘hard’ times.
I have to admit that a part of one of my many ill-insured houses has not burn down, but I have had a run of what can only be described as something other than good fortune.
It all started with the startling news that my printers had ‘forgotten’ to add the cost of putting covers on The Book and therefore the cost was increased by a cool 100%. I will pass lightly over what I think are the real reasons for the hike in the price and merely point out that my (fairly) frantic search for new printers had produced a result which appears to be more reasonable and much more professional and amenable than the old. So something bad, might, just might turn out to be a positive advantage.
The next negative is something that I am struggling to find anything positive about. My locker in the leisure centre that I am having to use as an alternative to my usual pool because of essential annual maintenance was broken into and all my money was taken. A few hundred Euros.
If I try hard I can scratch a few good things from the invasive experience. None of my cards was taken. And it’s only when you start thinking about replacing them and the time, effort and heartache that it would entail that you actually catch yourself feeling gratitude to the stinking thief who broke in. He (it was a male changing room so I am not being sexist) even had the effrontery to leave the lock that he forced off the handle inside the locker! Quite a little gesture!
Going to the local police was a sobering experience. We were made to wait for half an hour before a policeman did a fairly convincing impersonation of the Little Britain computer operator, typing furiously with two fingers for what seemed an inordinate amount of time – for what. I can’t wait to hear the results of their investigations. I am not, however, holding my breath.
Meanwhile the number of corrections and suggestions on the covers of The Book seems to grow daily – and I haven’t been asked anything about the actual content. Worrying. Though, I have written, checked and composed everything that is between the covers, I can’t help thinking that its translation to an actual book is, inevitably, going to produce errors that I haven’t either made or considered. Time will tell.
The checking for even more pernickety ‘mistakes’ on the covers was an antidote to the continuing search for locks to dissuade robbers from dipping into my wallet again. The swimming pool does not provide keys or locks and customers are expected to provide their own. For the first visit the girl behind the desk actually loaned me one and I had to be inventive about the key as no swim band was provided to keep it on your wrist. The second day I bought my own lock with a tiny key which, again, was a problem. So, the obvious choice was a digital number lock. Which I bought and was duly demolished and my money taken.
This saga continued with my buying a sturdy lock and a packet of thick rubber bands to keep the key on my wrist. Sturdy was good, but the thickness of the lock meant that it did not fit through the hole and was therefore useless. Driven back to the front desk where there were no borrowable locks, I was forced to use a vending machine and buy yet another one.
Which didn’t work and so I had to buy another. I have had my fill of locks. And my patience was pretty damn thin because as I arrived at the pool a passing motorist pointed out that I had a flat tyre. Not a disaster. But. There is always a but. I had taken a basic wallet with me on this visit containing little money and only one credit card.
And my phone did not work to call for moral support from Toni.
However, one instruction book and a few scraped knuckles later the ‘emergency’ tyre (the space in the boot is not big enough for a ‘proper’ tyre) was fitted. My hands were filthy and I was ready and eager for my swim. Which was good.
The repair – there you are, another positive, I did not have to replace it – of the tyre was completed and while it was being done we had a menu del dia before taking the car to the Toyota garage as there has been a recall of the model I drive to have adjustments to some aspect of the computer program. Never a dull moment.
And. Yet again. The Spanish Post Office has failed to deliver my OU books on time. They have now lost them twice and delayed them unnecessarily in three out of the last five courses. Now, for the fourth time, I am still waiting for them. The books were sent out of Britain on the 4th of September, it is now the 22nd and I have had nothing. Again.
All the students in the UK have had their material and are already talking about it in the forums. But Correos has ensured that we are without.
So taking everything together over the last few days. It could have been better.
Tomorrow to Barcelona to my poetry group; the last corrections to the covers; the arrival of my books and the apprehension of the bloody thief. All of that would be good. Some of it would be acceptable. The story continues.